Wherever you go, there you will be

It wasn't really the way you treated me
It was the way you treated yourself
that was what I couldn't bare anymore
Although I have a go at myself so much
I didn't need someone else doing it too
I still have to deal with me
& I still have to deal with you
Although your not physically with me
Sometime I still wish you were
I can't distract myself with fantasies
of my life without you
Because i'm living it
exactly a year ago we were in the last throes of a desperate hedonistic purge
Now i'm in a field
with none of my usual distractions
not even talking to people
no internet, music, porn
no drugs, alcohol, I gave them up before I left
Just my mind
I remember reading before I left
Wherever you go, there you will be

written three years ago on a silent mediation retreat. it took well over a year to finally stop hearing him still shouting at me in my mind